Just give me a sec to get over that title… I like it... haha.. ahhh
As a smoker, I can testify that we are on the out. As you might remember from my last blog I was whining about the conditions that have been applied to smokers but not to say… obese people.Most people accept smokers. Not everyone does it but most people have for at least one phase in their lives. My parents smoked, for a little while, and I know that most people my age had parents who did at one stage or another. What we have to contend with now, as well as the constant graphic advertising and rules telling us when and where we can and can’t smoke, is a new breed of people who hold you in contempt and look down upon you merely because you choose to smoke a cigarette.
This is wrong if you ask me, but then again I’m a smoker. There are, however, simple rules that one can abide by. Unwritten rules even, and perhaps rules that make more sense than a lot of legislation. So here it is ladies and gents, Javid’s Brief Etiquette Guide for the Modern Smoker.
- Children
This one should be relatively self explanatory and make sense to most of you, unless you live in Mt Druitt (and the sad thing is I live quite NEAR there). Children deserve the opportunity for clean air more than these adults who harp on about it. If you’re at a kids birthday party (preferably as a family member and not just some creepy lurker) or some similar function and you feel the urge for a cigarette, walk away. If some of the kids follow you, there’s not much you can do so the choice is on you to either put it out or go to lengths to make sure that the kiddies are as far away from it as possible.
The people I previously mentioned are often the type of people that will bring their children near you well after you’ve actually started the cigarette. Chances are that they’ll stop near you and look at you contemptuously. Here’s an idea for those people, if you want to make someone feel bad for having a smoke anywhere near your children, DON’T TAKE YOUR KIDS OVER TO THEM and THEN try to make them feel bad.
Basically, if you’re sharing an open-air environment with children, legally you’re under no obligations but really you should be exercising some duty of care. The air is there to share, but you don’t need to be smoking 2 feet away from children. If you honestly don’t care about it even a little, you’re obviously a self-absorbed, miserable little person.
If you’re near a pregnant lady, don’t spark up either. If you SEE a pregnant lady spark up, go over and slap her, it’s your moral obligation.
- Eating
There are multiple circumstances to be considered here. If you’re out with friends just grabbing a bite at any random place, or even just eating in the park, certain respect should be observed. If you finish before your friends do that’s all good, and most smokers enjoy a nice post-meal cigarette. Spare some consideration for your friends however, and wait until they’ve finished their respective meals before you go filling the air and palate of everyone nearby with the delicious smell of rich tobacco.
Eating at a restaurant is another notion. While the same rule should still be observed for the people you’re eating with, expanding it to other diners in your vicinity is a bit of a middle-ground. Someone might be seated just after you’ve received your meal, right near you, and spark up a cigarette. While this is frightfully rude in my opinion it is, however, the price you pay for eating outside, in these areas that many restaurants and pubs are now required to provide. There’s not much point in giving off any condescending air given that, when your meal is done, you’re also going to have a cigarette, and chances are it will be when they receive their meal.
If you ask me it’s a bit of an improvisational field. If the people around you are nice enough to not smoke in the knowledge that you’ve just started eating, appreciate the gesture and return the courtesy. If you’re outside it’s not too hard to take a few steps somewhere else if needed. If the people around you don’t pay you this courtesy however you are under no obligation to move yourself.
If someone brings kids to a table in a smoking area, and then sparks up themselves, they are an idiot. With many fast food places and also the occasional restaurant the childrens play areas are quite often right next to the designated smoking area. It’s a stupid idea by design and an indicator that you should observe some kind of discretion.
- In The Car
Whether it be in your own car or someone elses there are certain protocols that can once more be observed.
In your own car you can pretty much go by whatever rules you choose but while driving other people, in particular non-smokers, it’s always considerate to ask if they mind if you have a cigarette. Chances are they’ll say yes and if they say no there’s a decent chance you’ll do it anyway, but you still offered, and to some people this gesture can be enough in itself. If other people want to smoke in your car, even knowing you smoke, asking beforehand is considerate. I won’t let people smoke in my backseat, nor will I smoke if I’m sitting in anyone elses. With windows open, particularly in the back, ash is going to fly everywhere and the reaction is not always pleasant.
In another persons car you can’t take anything for granted. They could even be a smoker, but in a new car where they’re exercising a ‘non-smoking’ rule for the sake of the smell (although these rules generally don’t last long). If you are in another persons car who does not smoke, and there are other passengers that are non-smokers, think about the amount of people you’re disrespecting by smoking in an enclosed space before you ask the question. You can say what you want about the ventilation and whatnot supplied by a moving vehicle but its not about physics, it’s about consideration.
To bring it back to the point of children, Police are currently ‘experimenting’ (because they’re certainly not enforcing it) with a law that says people cannot smoke with children in the car. If YOU smoke with your child in the car you’re an idiot, and you’re also potentially breaking an ambiguous law. If you’re in the car with someone ELSES kid and you smoke and they let you, you really are deplorable.
- Your Own Home
The last bastion of every smoker, the place where the laws cannot touch you, where you can do whatever the hell you want because it’s your place, right? True, to an extent…
Whether you rent or own, if you smoke INSIDE your own house I consider you, once again, an idiot. The smell of tobacco and cigarettes in general is a smell that is difficult to get rid of, as every teenager who has doused themselves in deodorant back in the day knows. I smoke pot from time to time and the smell of it is SO much easier to get rid of than that of a cigarette, contrary to belief. Tobacco smoke seeps into everything. Your clothes, your furniture, your walls, you’ll even end up with yellow stains everywhere and provide a pretty unhealthy environment for your already unhealthy lifestyle. If its minus 5 out and you want to go for a cigarette in the relative warmth of the bathroom with an exhaust fan on, this can, I suppose be conditionally acceptable but is certainly not something you should turn into a routine – and all smokers are very familiar with routine. If you smoke inside, and you have kids, you are once again an idiot. If you live with other people, particularly non-smokers, don’t smoke inside or even think you can just do it in your room, because that smell will travel.
So where does this leave you? Your front or backyard I suppose, or any verandah options that are available. Here is the perfect place for the smoker - an outdoor area on their own bit of land, free from the protests and rules of society. The only people who can stop you now are your neighbours through complaining. What will that achieve? Very little, it’s not illegal and you’re totally within your rights.
So there you have it. Feel free to discuss whether you think it’s worth being courteous to those that exonerate us because of our smoking habits. Feel free to discuss any ideas for places where a set of rules can come in place. I’m all about discussion.
I leave you with a bit of a note for those who have a problem with smokers. I could say don’t judge us but you already do. You don’t know us or why we do the things we do. I understand that there are smokers who are generally disrespectful to those who don’t smoke but it’s a two way street. If you want to be a pariah and take the moral high ground because you have kids and smoking is such a deplorable act you can fuck right off. Perhaps your problem shouldn’t be with me and my nicotine addiction but the government that regulates it and keeps it legal, despite the known effects of it all. Your contempt for us breeds within us contempt for you, and hence the struggle continues. If you have a problem with a smoker doing what they’re doing, a civil approach where you can justify your problem is often more helpful than death stares and insults. Most smokers are still reasonable people you know. I hope I’ve made it quite clear that I’m willing to be as considerate as possible, and that most smokers should, for all of you out there who don’t smoke. What I’m asking, and what might be the hard part, is for you to do the same.
