First and foremost - It's been just over a month since my last post, where I apologised for my absence and stated I would be back soon. We all saw how that worked out now didn't we? So let me apologise again.
Next, this isn't going to be a particularly positive post, let alone a comedic one. Don't get me wrong it might make for hilarious reading but that isn't my intention when setting out. Everyone needs to have a bitch and, while doing so to individuals can be helpful and whatnot, there's something about a blog and the internet that says 'shout your opinion at me. I don't care but do it anyway'.
Over the last few months the bulk of my time has been preoccupied with Uni and with Work. Other things such as music (and subsequent jamming with people) and sport took up the free time that remained. Even then it was time that could have been better spent studying in hindsight but oh well, that's the way it goes. Semester is now over, thank god, and I got across the line again. Hooray. Thats one thing less to deal with, and leaves simply one more thing - work. You would think that as a restaurant manager I would have a relatively good position and there's no denying there are some aspects of my job that I really do love. There have always been some that I hate, but you learn to deal. In the last couple of months however my level of job satisfaction has decreased immeasurably, and now without University or study to 'look forward' to, all I have is the increasing feeling of dread that drapes itself over me most times I know I have to go in there. There are a multitude of reasons I wish to convey to you. I'm not going to name anyone, or the company I work for, because its not my intention to cause anything, I just need to vent.
1. Minimal Respect - You might think that being a manager is great, a power trip. You might think that the position commands respect from co-workers and that it also entitles you to a bit more respect from YOUR boss. This is not entirely the case, particularly in hospitality. In hospitality you work with a plethora of teenagers. You all know how I feel about teenagers already but I'm not going to judge someones work ethic solely on their age. We have many young people who DO respect you and conduct themselves professionally, but there are also many who don't. They form their little cliques, play their own little games, factionalise your crew and work against each other. You ask them to do something and they give you the same condescending look they no doubt give their parents when asked to clean their room. Some of these kids think they own the place, and their feelings of impunity are only facilitated when you've got an owner who doesn't listen to your recommendations.
2. Loyalty = NOTHING - I have (albeit sadly) given an accumulated 6 and a bit years of my life to that business. I have pledged my loyalty to my boss when times have been tough, and I have worked my ass off, without a doubt. I can't imagine I'd be in the position I am without the hard work I've put in. For a long time part of my enjoyment stemmed from the fact that I really enjoyed my job and the people I worked with. In the last few months this has all gone down the toilet. I have found out that my boss actually thinks my work capacity is inferior to someone who (no offence) I honestly don't feel inferior to. I have been accused of either stealing or facilitating the stealing of cash from the till, only to be called half an hour later with an 'oh I found it, my mistake, never mind' mentality. I was let down multiple times by my own boss in the lead-up to my exams. I have been left completely out of the loop and supposed to have assumed knowledge when it comes to the recent selling of the business - which most of the staff haven't even been told. Admittedly the caring I do for this place has dwindled significantly but honestly, which came first? I feel that I know.
Suddenly my momentum (to write this) has stopped. Thats probably a good thing. I know some, if not all of you are currently laughing at me and asking yourselves 'why dont you just get the fuck OUT of there then?' - and that's the idea, sure. But I guess the hardest part of it all is that that place has become such a big part of my life. The people I've grown close to over the years have felt like family and, for the most part, I have treated them like a family - in that we all get along, we bitch behind each others back but at the end of the day we drink together. The last few months have seen me pushed out of the family that was as a new sense of family has been brought in, dominated by teenage (and not so teenage) girls that see me as nothing more than a cynical old man. What they fail to realise is that the cynical old man can still work rings around most of them.
Ultimately I think thats why I'm writing this. Not because I hate my job. To an extent everyone hates their job. I guess my need to write this stems from the fact that I have been slowly phased out of a place that truly meant so much to me, by the people who truly meant so much to me - to the point I honestly feel that I don't matter. I can deal with it, I will move on, I will quit the job, find another and live happily ever after. But instead of fond memories gained over the years, I can't help but feel that when I leave my job, this place that has helped shaped me, it won't be with a touch of sadness and the memories of the good times (of which there are many), but with a feeling of relief and sadness that a place you've poured so much into has left you feeling nothing but empty.
And that's the saddest thing about it all
